Anniversary of a Dream… 7 Years Later

Seven years ago today, I reflected another year back to March 2011 and the day my dream came true – or at least the dream I had at the time.

I’d been drowning a horrible nightmare of anxiety and depression after losing my mind in the corporate hamster wheel, trying to leave that world behind and find a new path. And I’d finally found it, my true purpose: turning my passions for action and films into a new career in action filmmaking. I’d forged a new partnership with an incredibly talented director & fight choreographer, become part of a stunt team, and been offered the most incredible role of a lifetime: producer and lead stunt actress in a new independent feature film.

One year later, the dream had fully become reality. A real-life live-action independent action film called Death Grip. We released it to decent acclaim, a few awards, one packed Comic-Con panel room full of laughs, and plenty of international sales. We then went on to make several brilliant short films, got hired to design the action for others’, and began planning our next feature. We were killing it!

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But as with all good things, it cannot last forever and eventually must come to an end. As my partner and I grew in our own individual creative journeys, we found our vision and goals didn’t align as much as they once did. So by March 2013 (six years ago now), we had very amicably and mutually parted ways and Action Pact Entertainment was no more.Comic Con with Darren Shahlavi3.jpg

I will be forever grateful for that experience, and how much it helped me grow and find myself. But for the next six years, I felt a little lost without that clear direction and partnership. I’ve tried to find it in so many other places, positions, and partnerships to little avail. I’ve dabbled in entirely new fields like fin-tech (aka digital currency aka the wonderful world of Bitcoin) and women’s menstrual health (Flex. Check it out. Srsly revolutionary). But nothing gave me the same surge of passion or purpose. Nothing has clicked.

Eight years ago, when I last felt that lost and decided to leave the Google corporate machine, I first took a 3-month sabbatical to clear my head and do lots of deep soul-searching. I cleared my schedule of all commitments except a whole lot of journaling – right here on The Writes Of Passage. (In fact, that was the impetus for starting this blog in the first place.) It was the best decision I could’ve made and gave me the space to discover that new freelance path ahead.

Now I’ve once again hit that serious rut, only in a new shape (same dog, different tricks). You could say it’s been a while coming, but I guess I’ve just finally reached my breaking point. So I’ve decided it’s time to rinse and repeat.

If the mountain won’t come to Mohammed… I’ll just have to go out there and find that new purpose. I have no idea where it is, so I’ll just have to look everywhere.

I bought a Honda Element and just finished a pretty sweet buildout (I’ll post more details and photos of that soon). So now the plan is to take this new home-on-wheels and van-life it across America the beautiful. 3 months. Over 9,000 miles. Nearly every state. And just about every national park I can manage.IMG_20190416_122108312_HDR.jpg IMG_20190416_122057086_HDR.jpg

It’s going to be one heck of a road trip adventure. With plenty of time driving alone for lots of reflecting and soul-searching.

So here’s to taking another 3-month sabbatical, much like I did eight years ago. And like eight years ago, I’ll once again be journaling and posting about my journey as I go right here on The Writes Of Passage (and on Instagram, coz I’m a sucker for social pressure).

So wish me luck, and stay tuned!