The Writes of Passage

I went and saw “Haywire” today, and I’m sorry to say I was very disappointed. Despite hearing reports of weak fight scenes and uninspired acting, I still had my hopes.

You see, I’ve been waiting for a film like this for a while – an action film with a female in the starring role who is played by a woman that can both act and do all her own action… essentially a female stunt actor. We’ve learned through the many eras of male action leads that the only true successful “stunt actors” are those who start out as fighters and then learn to act. It’s much harder to have an actor learn how to do all those complex and dangerous stunts themselves, which is why most all actors have stunt doubles. Even today, as more actors are starting to do some of their own stunts, they still leave the really complicated stuff to the professionals.

But a stunt person who can also act? Now that’s something, and very highly in demand. Directors and fight choreographers alike love it because they don’t have to restrict the camera movement for fight scenes in order to hide a stunt double. Producers love it because it saves money – not needing to hire a separate stunt man. And audiences love it because it’s cool to know that guy did all his own stunts. That’s why Jackie Chan became such a household name – that and because he was GOOD.

But we’ve yet to see a strong example of this from a female. And now as martial arts become more universally acceptable and understandable, and the market for female fighters on screen grows, I think it’s about time we had one.

This is why I had hopes for “Haywire,” and particularly for Gina Carano. She has the right background – a long time MMA star who can really fight and just needed to add the acting component.

But alas, “Haywire” was not going to give her that opportunity. Granted it wasn’t all her fault. The story lacked originality, the writing lacked emotion, and the characters lacked depth. So she didn’t have much to work with anyway. But then you could tell just how uneasy she was on camera, which made her seem very stiff and one-dimensional, very hard to relate to or care much about.

So another hope dashed. I guess I will just have to wait for another chance to see a good female stunt actor take the lead. Or I’ll just have to do it myself! 🙂

The me from a year ago might not recognize the me of today. My closest friends continue to remind me of how material a change they’ve seen me undergo in the last year or so. It’s amazing to see how far I’ve come, and where I used to be.

For nearly all of my life prior to this massive change, I had a hard time facing my reality, and didn’t yet understand how to take control of my life. I am one of those people who lives to work  and needs to feel that I’m living fully at all times. And when my current employment didn’t give me that satisfaction, I had to find it elsewhere. So I had a lot of outlets, and I needed them.

Perhaps the most prominent outlet I’ve had for the majority of my life was writing poetry. It’s what got me through the first rough patch in junior high, and everyday afterwards. At first, they weren’t very good poems or very well kept – scribbled on loose paper and shoved into one giant red binder. But over time I developed a voice, a style, and a better system. Eventually, they found their way onto blog I now call Ahn Beat.

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I started this blog a few years ago, both to transfer those old cherished poems from their pages as well as continue to share more. And up until a year ago, I continued to write new content pretty regularly.

But here is the interesting part – I haven’t actually written a new poem in about a year.

I guess you could say this new life I’ve found, this new path I’m pursuing with all my heart and soul, is giving me the greatest outlet I could have ever imagined. And now I don’t need to write poetry anymore. Oh I still love the art of it, and may yet write more from time to time. But I don’t need it like I used to. And that feels pretty damn good.

I guess you could say I’ve found a new way to keep myself Ahn Beat.