Just A Phase

I realize it might be a bit excessive how I’m handling this transition, what with meticulously calendaring a full daily schedule, unique to the day of the week, each day following my corporate departure. And I realize it may seem a bit nuts to have a separate doc with a specific plan laid out for each blog and each venture I plan to pursue. But I just don’t want to lose momentum.
I mean… this is my life. I can’t let it fall apart again. I can’t lose momentum. I just can’t.
And I’m scared I’m going to.
Well… I don’t really think I will. I’d like to think I know my own ambition too well to think me capable of letting my dreams slip away.
But then I did let it happen before. I did lose sight of my dreams amidst the bright lights and fancy lingo of the illustrious high tech business world. And I’m ashamed of that. I’m ashamed that I so unceremoniously sacrificed my health and creativity for a life that didn’t give back all that I put into it.
That’s why this is so important to me. It’s a huge step for me, and it’s one I do not take lightly. So I plan to take this all the way, wherever that way may lead. I’m leaving all doors open, all possibilities endless. But being the planner I am by nature, I am taking some extra precautions for the immediate future and setting out a daily schedule to help keep me on track.
So is that really such a crazy idea?
This is my life, and I chose this new path. I chose it myself, for myself, based on myself’s definition of a successful and fulfilling life. And I have to stand by it, no matter what other people might say.
Oh I’ve heard the concerns. I’ve heard their doubts. I’ve heard them say they don’t think this will last. I know some think this is just a pathetic attempt to relive those old glory days of young naïve freedom. Sure I know what they are referring to. Everyone had their own version of that period between college and adulthood, where you get to pretend you are still free from responsibility and bills, to just have fun and travel the world, before having to face a real job and the real world.
So that’s what they think this is huh? Just a phase?
Well, maybe it is a phase. But I’m not treating it like one. I made a serious commitment with this life-altering decision. I put serious time and thought into determining the right next step. And though I truthfully don’t know where it will lead, I have a pretty good sense now of who I am and what I want in life. And likewise, I have a pretty good mind that what I’m doing now is what is right for me and my future.
This is not some fun mini-adventure, or an attempt to take a break from my life. It’s my way of trying to finally live my life, to its fullest potential and my fullest happiness.
I was catching up with one of my favorite coworkers over lunch recently, and I was explaining why I was so careful with the timing of my resignation, considering the bonus we just got and how bad that might look. So she stops me and asks why exactly I did that. She pointed out that I am leaving the industry entirely, so it’s not as if it would really matter what people think. I realized I didn’t actually have a good answer to this.
But when she suggested it might have been so as not to burn any bridges in case I did ever want to come back, I found myself saying that though I am essentially leaving all doors open, I am pretty damn sure I will never again want to work in this corporate world.
Now why I felt compelled to say this so definitively, I don’t know. But it must have something to do with the fact that as nebulous and unpredictable as this new path is, I do have a pretty good sense of what I am about on it. I have a pretty good idea where I’m headed, and I chose that direction very deliberately.
This is indeed the next phase of my life, but that does not mean it is just a phase. This is not me trying to be 23 again. I am moving forward with my life, not backward. It’s my time now, I have made my choice, and I’m going to live it with every inch of my being.
So take that world!
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